Letting go. What exactly does that mean? I’m still figuring that out myself. I’ve never been one to let things go, and I’m not just referring to the negative. Excitement? I’ll talk about it for hours. Clothes that I’m no longer wearing? I know I haven’t worn that dress for five years, but I might wear it in the future, you never know. Hurt? Yeah, that’s hard for me to let go of too. The thing is, I wish it wasn’t. I truly wish I was one of those people who could just let things roll off their back. With some things, I am that girl. But for the most part? I’m not. For the women that are reading this post that struggle with forgiveness because they have been hurt, I want you to know something. You are not alone. These feelings of hurt that make you feel isolated from others do not define you. You may feel alone, but you are not.
Have you ever gone through something where someone had hurt you and you were told to “just forgive and move on?” You might have thought: “Um, thanks. That’s so incredibly unhelpful. I know I need to forgive, but I’m hurting right now and I don’t know how I can move past this.” I’ve been there, too. While people are trying to help you in an effort to alleviate the pain and feel the freedom of letting go, those words don’t help your wounds. In fact, in some cases, it might even make you feel worse. It’s like you have this extra added pressure of needing to forgive something that just happened. I am currently enrolled in a biblical counseling class and my counseling professor addressed this exact problem. He explained that we shouldn’t simply tell them they need to forgive, the person needs time to process and deal with what has happened. Instead, support is needed. This is not saying that you don’t have to forgive, but it is saying that sometimes, you need to heal a little bit before your heart is ready to make that conscious decision to forgive.
Another aspect of not being able to let go is the fact that you might not know how to. You don’t know how to forgive, or you might not know what forgiveness truly is. To forgive is not to understand or minimize bad behavior. It is not an act of “letting them get away with it.” Instead, forgiveness is a choice you can make in order to not be controlled by your hurt. My professor addressed a very important question that I had regarding what forgiveness looks like: you don’t have to go back to the way things were. In other words, you may not have a fantastic relationship with the person that hurt you. You can be kind and civil, but actions do have consequences, and sometimes, that might mean that the bond you once shared is broken. You can love that person in Christ, but realize that it might be best to distance yourself in order to protect your heart from being hurt again.
The last thing I want to explain in this post is that you will not be completely healed unless you forgive. If you let your emotions run your life, you will end up miserable. You might think you’re winning, but that constant state of anger and frustration will tear you up inside. It takes genuine work to get mad all the time. It’s tiring work, and it’s not a job that you want to take on. Forgiving is hard, it really is. It takes time and constant effort and it is something that I am constantly working on. However, with daily help from God, it can be done.
I hope this blog post helped the one who is struggling with letting go. I hope you know that true peace only comes from the Lord. You will only find that peace if you are walking with Him, and that includes forgiving others, even when we don’t think they deserve it.
With Love, Em
Beautiful post as always, Emily! And such a good reminder!